Hidden Trauma-Bonds
Have you ever felt like a certain situation or pattern in your life just keeps repeating, no matter how much effort you put into changing it? You work to dissolve it, transform it, yet somehow, it keeps showing up in different forms. Today, I want to explore something that might shed light on why that happens—a theory that trauma bonds aren’t limited to relationships with people. They can exist in any domain of our lives, such as finances, health, career, or community involvement.
Invitation to Explore:
I invite you to explore this with me. Imagine each area of your life as its own relationship. Our mind, body, and spirit are in relationship with these dynamics—whether it’s wealth, health, or career. We don’t just have experiences in these areas; we’re in an ongoing, sometimes unconscious partnership with them. Let’s take finances, for example. We're in a 'relationship' with money—an exchange of giving and receiving, a construct of wealth and security that we respond to emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
Identifying Life Domains:
We can apply this relationship perspective to many domains: physical health, intellectual pursuits, emotional well-being, parenting, social life, extended family dynamics, community involvement—any area that contributes to our existence. In each of these, we may unconsciously experience patterns similar to those found in trauma-bonded relationships.
Defining Trauma Bond Dynamics:
To understand this, let’s first define what a trauma-bonded relationship dynamic looks like in a traditional sense—such as a romantic partnership. Then, I’ll invite you to consider how this could play out in other domains of life, like finances. Here are a few of the core dynamics of a trauma bond that we might recognize in various life areas:
Core Dynamics of a Trauma Bond
Feeling Trapped: In trauma bonds, there’s often an experience of feeling stuck or like there’s no way out. It’s a pervasive sense that the dynamic is unchangeable. In relationships, this might look like feeling dependent on a partner, but in finances, it could be the belief that you’re always on the edge of financial insecurity with no clear path forward.
Cognitive Dissonance: Cognitive dissonance comes into play when we’re told one thing but experience another. For example, you may have been told that ‘financial security is achievable,’ but your actual experience feels like the opposite, making you doubt yourself or the information. This dissonance keeps you mentally stuck, trying to reconcile reality with your hopes or beliefs.
Intermittent Reinforcement: This dynamic involves moments of relief or reward, just often enough to keep hope alive. In relationships, this might look like sporadic affection or kindness, but in finances, it could be the occasional windfall or moment of financial stability that feels like salvation but never lasts. These brief moments reinforce the attachment to the cycle, even when it’s unsustainable.
Perception of External Control: There’s often a feeling that something external is in control—whether it’s a partner in a romantic relationship or the unpredictability of financial markets in our relationship with money. This belief in an external force controlling our outcomes can leave us feeling powerless.
Isolation: In trauma-bonded relationships, isolation often comes as a subtle or overt discouragement from seeking outside support. In financial terms, you may feel alone in your struggle, reluctant to discuss your financial challenges for fear of judgment or misunderstanding. This reinforces the attachment to the financial pattern, keeping you in the cycle.
Conclusion and Call to Awareness:
As you explore your own life, I invite you to consider where these dynamics may be showing up in your relationships with various life domains. These patterns aren’t limited to people; they can exist anywhere we’re unconsciously holding on to familiar cycles of struggle. Recognizing this can be the first step toward releasing these bonds and opening the door to healing, empowerment, and freedom in every area of life.
